A guy joins the army with the unfortunate name "Zzaichovsky". With everything being done by alphabetical order, and his name starting with Zz, he's at the back of the line for everything.
He goes to get his shirt, and it's 4 sizes too small, but it's all they have left.
Goes to get his pants, and they're 7 sizes too big, but it's all they have left.
Everything goes along like this, and he's getting really frustrated. When they give him his gun, they tell him they've run out guns.
"How do I shoot things then?! Isn't this the army?!"
The Sgt looks at him, and says "Put up your arms like you're holding a gun. Now yell 'BANG! BANG!'".
Zzaichovsky, rightly thinks this is absurd, but nothing to be done for it. He goes to get his bayonet, but once again they're out. "Just make like you're stabbing and yell out, "BAYONET! BAYONET!".
Goes to get his grenades, and once again they've run out. "Move your arm like you're pulling the pin and throwing the grenade, then yell 'GRENADE! GRENADE!'".
So Zzaichovsky thinks that the entire thing is absurd, and he's just lying around at the shooting range, while everyone else is firing. Sitting back, watching the clouds, when the Sgt walks over. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING! GO SHOOT THAT TARGET!"
He sits up, sighs, and gets into the firing position. With a bit of a snicker he pretends he's holding a gun, and yells out "BANG! BANG!"
The target just disappears. Little shreds float down. Our soldier friend is going "The hell was that? Maybe there is something to this."
While they're doing practice with bayonets everyone is making tiny little pin pricks in the target. Zzaichovsky runs up to the target, pretends to stab it and yells "BAYONET! BAYONET!" The thing EXPLODES! Bits of sacking, and feathers flying through the air.
So Zzaichovsky moves on with his career, confident he can handle whatever the job throws him. Before too long, however, there's a war! Fighting in the trenches, he's mowing people down left, right and centre.
"BANG, BANG!" A guy drops
"BAYONET! BAYONET!" Someone trying to get into the trench dies.
"GRENADE, GRENADE!" 4 people get sent flying.
The battle is dying down, when he sees a fat guy come over the hill in front of him, and Zzaichovsky goes "Right, I'm gonna get me some of this. BANG! BANG!"
Nothing happens. The guy just keeps plodding forward.
"GRENADE! GRENADE!" Nothing.
Unsure what to do, Zzaichovsky just sits in the trench, watching as the fat guy gets closer. As he does, he hears the man saying "Tank, tank, tank, tank, tank..."